Valentine’s day can be difficult for the broken-hearted. Our culture of perfection encourages boxed-in ideas of what is good, desired, lovable, and valid. All these lies create anxiety, confusion, and a sense of never being enough.
Make Plans
Think about what you love to do, what gives you joy, and do that. Is it hanging out with friends? Is it exploring a city or great food? Make plans to have fun if you anticipate that you will be upset. It ‘is’ essential to face your pain at some point; make sure you do it when you can support yourself or have someone help you.
Don’t Injure Yourself
If it’s difficult for you to see everyone with their partners on social media, then take a break for the week. Don’t pull out old pictures of your partner and you together when you are feeling low. It ‘is’ essential to take the time to grieve, but make sure you don’t do that when you are not feeling like yourself.
Don’t Contact Your Ex
Never start or re-start a relationship from a place of desperation. Even if there is a future potential with your X at some point, you will only sign up for more pain by contacting your X when you are not feeling grounded inside. No matter how stealthy you think you may be, people can sense desperation, neediness and exploit it consciously or subconsciously. You never want to be the one who walks yourself to your misery. Use this time to get in touch with yourself.
Drop What Holds You Down
What holds us back the most from getting to our joy, our personal and emotional freedom are our fears and beliefs. Beliefs can work like programs running our system. They can keep us in our pain long after we have decided to let it go. Find out where you are stuck in your life, consider what beliefs are keeping you stuck. Ask yourself if they still fit your values, goals, and dream. Think about what your life would be like if you let these beliefs go. Experiment with letting them go little by little and give yourself the freedom you deserve.
Get Busy Doing You
A challenging relationship takes your focus off of you; this is your chance to heal the self-neglect. Take the loving of yourself seriously. Start with saying ‘no’ to people and situations that require you to be who you are not. Chose to be who you are without apology. The more you do this, the more you will feel like yourself and the faster you will heal.
Find Your Joy, Find Yourself
Make a list of all of the things that tickle your joy, that makes you smile. Think about what you loved as a child. Ask children how to have fun if you can’t remember. Every day, commit to doing one of those things for yourself.
Practice cherishing yourself. Think about the person in your life that is most important to you. Treat yourself like that person. Get up from your comfy position and get yourself coffee if you want it.
Be The Person You Wish To Be With
Make a list of what you want to see and experience in your partner and diligently work to be the person you wish to your partner. Treat yourself the way you would like your partner to treat you.
Embrace Your Situation
Instead of worrying about how you don’t fit into the perfectly curated images on social media, embrace your situation. The grass is always greener on the other side. Every situation pros and cons; find the pros in yours. Instead of scanning for what is wrong with things around, you start scanning to see what is right.
Sanya Bari @sanya.bari
Therapist, Coach, Relationship Expert, & Lifestyle Blogger
SHE Magazine USA
